I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
