2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
