is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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