Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
