If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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