I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
