Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
