I cut my penus on the lid.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
