Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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