When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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