You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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