How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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