I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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