i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
