someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
