finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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