She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
