she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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