Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
