Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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