Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
