My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
