Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
