The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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