Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
