My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
