was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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