Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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