remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
