vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
