Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
