Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
