I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
