I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
