Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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