Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
