I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
