So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
