Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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