I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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