I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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