Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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