Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
