well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
