don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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