you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
