so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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