i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
