what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
