I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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