There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
