Is it normal to miss your booty call?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
